Hand Gossip
by Demitria Miriam
Summary: Inuyasha finds out that gossiping girls are scary, and that the hands have all the answers. Well, the only one that really matters, anyway . Drabble, language, general. Crack.
1. Hand Gossip

Title: Hand Gossip  
><span>Author<span>: Demitria Miriam  
><span>Rating<span>: M for (im)mature content  
><span>Characters<span>: Inuyasha, Miroku, Kagome, Sango.  
><span>Disclaimer<span>: No money is made off of this piece of fiction; Inuyasha and co belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

Summery: Inuyasha finds out that gossiping girls are scary, and that the hands have all the answers (well, the one that really matters, anyway). Drabble, language, general. Crack.

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><p><strong>Hand Gossip<strong>

It had quite possibly been the most pivotal moment in the history of his 150 years of life, when he, Inuyasha, ferocious hanyou warrior, had overheard what Kagome called "gassip". He wasn't sure what this "gassip" was but apparently it could only be shared with and kept between those of the female sex and then giggled and chirped about behind delicate (deceiving) hands whenever a male did something that didn't seem remotely funny or interesting.

However, this time the girls didn't giggle or chirp after their ritual (satanic) meeting of "gassip". They simply came back from the hot springs with a fiercely determined (really scary) look in their eyes.

Miroku and Inuyasha were instantly on guard, backs straight, staring directly ahead making sure not to make eye contact and keeping their arms tucked into their sleeves, absently rubbing comforting circles across their forearms.

Oh, they knew something was up... especially when the girls sat down opposite them in complete and utter silence.

Shit, what the hell did they want?

"Miroku," came Sango's set voice.

Miroku twitched spastically at the sudden beckon. He did the only thing he could do, and carefully replied with, "Y-yes?" just waiting for the oncoming doom that usually came in the form of-

"I'd like to look at your hands."

-not that. What? See his hands? What for?

Both Miroku and Inuyasha rubbed their forearms a little faster underneath their sleeves.

"Why?" Miroku asked tentatively.

"I... um..." Sango colored suddenly and soon became very timid and shy, looking over at Kagome for reassurance in her next actions.

"She wants to read your palm!" Kagome spoke up suddenly, sounding very happy with the answer she had supplied, which caused Inuyasha to be the next to twitch spastically.

"O-okay..." Miroku said, removing his hands from his sleeves and waiting for her to come over to him. When it looked like she wasn't about to move anytime soon he sighed and went to her instead, presenting her with his hands.

Sango took one hand, inspecting it from wrist to the tip of the monk's middle finger, eyes wide, face flushed and mouth slightly agape before looking over at Kagome (who had been watching intensely as well) and that's when it happened.

They. Giggled.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome chirped.

Inuyasha twitched again.

"You, too!"

"What? Why do I have to-!" Inuyasha began but shut up just as suddenly once he saw Kagome's eyes narrowing and her lips pursing, just daring him to continue denying her, the first letter of the "S.I.T." word surely hovering between her lips. "Keh! Fine! But I ain't movin' over there, wench," the hanyou grumped, taking his hand out of his sleeve and holding it out to her as she practically skipped over to him.

Inuyasha pouted in the opposite direction Kagome was in and let her do her freaky weird "gassip" palm reading to his hand. After all, he'd rather her "gassip" his hand than "sit" him into the ground.

The hanyou sighed, just waiting for the giggling to start up... 3, 2, 1...

"_Sango_, come here!" Kagome whispered none too subtly.

"Hm?" Sango moved over swiftly to her friend who was still examining Inuyasha's hand.

"Look..."

Sango's eyes widened and she gasped slightly, however Inuyasha caught it, which made him look over to see what the two lunatics in his pack were "gassiping" over now.

When he did... Well, it wasn't exactly a look of horror on the women's faces telling them that he was gonna probably die some horrible death or something...

No, instead the girls looked, taken aback? Breathless? Intrigued? By something only kami knew.

Then their eyes flickered up towards his and they colored as bright as his kimono and started giggling insanely, jumping up and running off together in a flurry of chirping, vaguely mentioning that they were going to get more fire wood.

"What... was _that_about?" Miroku finally asked after about five minutes of them both staring off into the direction the girls had made their great escape into.

"Uhh... you really wanna know?" Inuyasha replied slowly, equally dumbfounded.

"What do you mean? You know?"

"Shh!" the hanyou snipped, ears twitching towards the forest again, listening to the two women's soft voices.

"_Well?_" Miroku stressed, dying of curiosity at this point.

Inuyasha looked puzzled, blinking a few times before turning to his friend.

"I didn't get all of it, but it had something to do with the size of something and our hands..."

"Huh?" Miroku asked confused as well... before getting fed up with not understanding anything and taking matters into his own hands. "Come on!"

With that Inuyasha was dragged toward where the girls were hiding and giggling to themselves. The monk and half-demon hid in the foliage just behind the other side of the river the girls were near but could hear most of everything they said clearly.

"Miroku's average, I'd say... But Inuyasha... down _there_, he definitely has the upper hand. I mean,... the size is..." Kagome said wistfully, biting her lip and grinning over at Sango.

"What size? Down where?" Miroku whispered to himself and Inuyasha.

"Shut _up_, bastard!" Inuyasha growled trying to hear more.

"I'm so glad you brought that book back with you, Kagome, it has interesting information in it..."

The girls started giggling again about obscure things.

"What the fuck does all that mean?" Inuyasha asked completely clueless to-

"Can you imagine, if Inuyasha's... _penis_... is that size, what Sesshomaru's must be like? Or Kouga's!" Kagome giggled excitedly.

Inuyasha froze while Miroku suddenly felt nauseous.

THAT'S what they were talking about? The size of their _DONGS?_

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><p><span>Author's Note<span>: Sequel now added as Ch 2!**  
><strong>


	2. Grasp

**Pairing:** Sess x Inu  
><strong>Emotion:<strong> Embarrassment  
><strong>Object:<strong> Tenseiga  
><strong>Word:<strong> Bitch  
><strong>Wildcard:<strong> Bruise**  
>Word Count:<strong> 759**  
>For:<strong> Kayt**  
>P.S.: <strong>I couldn't help it. The randomness of the request somehow led me to make a second part to a previous drabble. They hone in on Sesshoumaru next! Oh also not slash I guess, but some bl is insinuated _VERY_ lightly.

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><p><strong>Grasp<strong>

They were fighting again. And like always it was Sesshoumaru's fault.

Inuyasha's group had been walking along, minding their own business when all of a sudden Sesshoumaru landed in front of them out of nowhere and had the nerve to draw his sword- Tenseiga it looked like; Huh, so this wasn't a fight to the death, just a sparring match, Inuyasha thought as he drew Tetsusaiga.

The intentions had been unspoken yet were known once both took a few seconds to silently acknowledge what was about to go down between them. In the middle of a public road. In front of his friends.

_And then whoosh!_

Sesshoumaru was airborne, dropping down from the sky onto Inuyasha, his Tenseiga slashing for Inuyasha's neck in a downwards arc. Inuyasha pivoted to his right, spinning around then to his left to bring Tetsusaiga's blade down on the bastard's spine. Sesshomaru's eyes followed the fang's trail, and before it struck rolled himself in midair to the right, landing on his feet with a soft puff of dirt fluttering around him.

They stared each other down again as they readied their weapons.

"WAIT!" someone screamed. The sound pierced the air, making the humans wince, and the demons recoil from attacking each other.

Both Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha looked over at the source of the disturbance, more than ready to focus their attacks on that instead.

"Wench, what the hell do you think you're doing, you-!"

"SIT!"

Inuyasha plummeted into the earth.

Sesshoumaru rose a critical eye at his brother's twitching form submerged in the ruble, not even noticing the girl that was trotting up to him. How pathetic.

He did notice however when his clawed hand was grabbed by a rougher, more petite, clawless hand.

"What do you think you're doing, ningen," he said icily, about ready to rip his hand away from the girl in a split second, but pausing only because if he did that he'd more than likely slice the girls hand off. And were he to do that then the sparring matches with his sibling that he found to be rather stress relieving would become non-existent in the very near future.

So he let her do whatever it was she was doing with his claws as his ear twitched when he heard Inuyasha getting up, then-

"Bitch what the hell are you doing? Get away from him!" Inuyasha yelled out, readying his sword. "Sesshoumaru, if you hurt her I swear-!"

Inuyasha plummeted into the ground again. He blinked. And then his hand was let go.

Sesshoumaru looked over at the ningen, her eyes impossibly large as she regarded him while walking backwards slowly as if in awe or fear. The latter as she should rightfully feel when in his presence.

However, when she made it back to the other two ningens the hanyou traveled with, she pulled the demon slayer to the side.

"Well? What's his hand like?" the female with the Hiraikotsu whispered, curiosity causing her to glance over to him and then nervously back to her friend as she caught him raising a brow at them.

Did they think he couldn't hear them?

"Sango," the miko whispered harshly. "There are some things that are better left alone, and his hands and... _that_ ... are one of them! He would _break_ me! I mean, maybe someone like Inuyasha could take it from Sesshoumaru but..." she trailed off as if something seemed to go off in her mind.

Both women's eyes mirrored each others as they looked over at him once again. And for some reason, the looks they were giving him caused a flicker of embarrassment. A feeling that was promptly murdered within the span of a second.

"Oh for the love of-" came an angry grumble from the earth before him. Sesshoumaru's eyes swept over to his sibling, who sported a rather fetching bruise on the side of his face. "You guys aren't talking about how big his hand to dick ratio is, are you?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened only fractionally. And the embarrassment flooded the dam he'd created earlier. _They were what?_

"SIT!" the woman-child yelled out of her own mortification.

"Hmph," the youkai scoffed. "You ningen and your archaic form of hypotheses."

He sheathed his sword and turned to take flight, but paused briefly to throw over his shoulder, "A youkai's hand such as mine is meant to grasp something that far exceeds its grip."

And with that he transcended into the air and flew off, leaving every single one of Inuyasha's group blushing a bright cherry red.

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><p><em><strong>THE END.<strong>_

Author's Note: Thanks Kayt for inspiring me with your request! XD Hope you all enjoyed the lols xD


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